Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Book 1, "The Stone"

This post will be where you first encounter one of my story fragments. Bare with me here, it's not that great.




---

        The stone
You see a group of people sitting in an odd circle diformed circle. They are sitting on rocks covered in moss. Trees are around them but you can see the sky. It is night and the stars are bright the moon shines Beams down into the middle of the circle of people. In the center of the people, focused where the light is, lies a stone flat, smooth, circular stone. The stone has engraveings etched into it in a circular spiraling pattern. In the middle their lies a green stone. The stone is translusent, and in the light of the moon, it glows. One man stands up, holding a wooden circular shaped piece of wood, with a small hole in the midle. He holds up the object in the sky, casting darkness across the center stone. The only light that pertrudes through the wooden object piece, is aimed directally at the green stone. The green stone was at one point glowing, is now illuminating massive amounts of green light. The engraveings around the center stone begin to Fill with green light, the stone green gem is burning the color into the stone. In an instant the rock explodes with luminessance. In that instant, that flash, nothing is visible, just light green. After the moment of magnified light is over, you see all of the people, that were origionally in a circle, turned had fallen over and had been pushed back. It began to r rain clouds immediatly began to form and cover the sky, the stars, and blotted out the moon. It was now verry dark and it began to rain. The people stood up slowly and began to walk away, each their own separate way, they dissapeared into the entanglement of their surroundings. The man holding the wooden circle was still on the ground, clenching the piece of wood tightly between his arms. Another man walked walks over to him. It was is still verry dark, and hard to decypher what the man looks like, but he leans over with an outstreched hand. Their is a pause, all the others had left, it was only them two amongst the clearing. The man on the ground acceps the outstreched hand, finally. The standing man pulls the one holding the wood to his feet. The man, gratfully, thanks him with a slight nod. As tehy begin to walk away the man with the wood says "It is done"/"What have I done?"

---

It seems like the reason for my crossed out words is mostly that I didn't describe it how I wanted to. I feel like this is me visibly learning how to paint a picture. Granted, it's not a good one, or at least it's not described well. I guess this could be a part of something that doesn't suck, a piece of a larger story. Here's a quick revision with less spelling mistakes.

     At night in a clearing an ambitious man stood among a council. The council was silent as they watched him as he seemed to perform some sort of ritual involving a wooden instrument and ancient stone etchings. When the moon moved into position the instrument guided it's light into a jade stone and shed the etchings in the darkest night.
     Moments passed and the ambitious man was worried that he had failed in some way. The older people from the council seemed at ease, use to this ritual, but the younger ones muscles held taut in the anticipation. Then, like a fuse, the etchings around the jade began to emanate a green glow that pulsed brighter and brighter as the stone was filled with this light blood. The light was visibly becoming liquid and when all the etchings were filled the pulsing stopped and a the light became painful to look at. Then, the ritual ended in an explosion with great force that knocked all of the council back.
     They stood up, mumbling among themselves and helping one another stand. They all departed without speaking to the ambitious man save one, who was possibly the oldest of the council, and who walked over to lend his hand to the ritual's catalyst. The old man stood there as the ambitious man sat. The clearing became silent and soon enough it was just the two figures. The old man, with his hand outstretched, said "It is done, the island's lifeblood has been restored."

I'm not sure how much better it is, but there it is.