Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Urine for a Story Here

I interviewed for a job on Monday. I interviewed a second time Tuesday. I got a job offer this morning. I did the drug test this afternoon. Things are happening so fast.

The drug test was quite the experience. I had to leave work early because the lab I had signed up for closes pretty early. I peed before I left work (stupid). I walked back to my car instead of driving because I took Hans (roommate) home. His ride was a tad held up. I got the papers that I would need, and made it to the place with Hans, who was kind enough to join me.

Turns out they need more pee than I was able to supply. Thing is, I had to get the test done today, cause the company I got hired to work for wants me to start working as soon as possible. So, I had to drink a bunch of water (but not more than forty ounces) and meditate the urine out of me.

I'm glad Hans was there with me. It made things less boring and formed a fantastic situation where Hans and I badly needed to pee, but couldn't. We both needed to and couldn't for different reasons. He had the pee, but couldn't go in the special bathroom in case we were plotting on switching urine samples somehow or something (we only assumed and didn't bother asking). I, on the other hand, was emptier than Elvis' coffin and needed proof that I don't do drugs.

We waited around for, like, thirty minutes, maybe forty-five. When I felt up to the task, me and the test administrator (who was a very sweet lady) went into the back and she tried to pull up the Internet (not a euphemism). Unfortunately they have been having problems with their connection dropping, and it did. So, we waited around for another thirty minutes (past when they closed) banking on the connection re-establishing itself. Thankfully it did, and on the third attempt I must admit, I preformed marvelously.

I took Hans to Heroes and Villains and Pei Wei as compensation, don't worry. He was a trooper.

When I arrived home I was greeted with a very thoughtful care package from my dear mother.

She's so sweet

If you haven't heard Leonard Cohen before, you should check him out. Someone introduced me to this fine man's music yesterday, and let me tell you, I'm glad.