I tried writing a chapter 6 for AIndividual this week. I did. I got four paragraphs in, but it feels bad. I feel like most of my writing recently has been bad and not really worth the effort to read. So, I think I'm going to stop, or at least hold off on AIndividual. If you feel cheated or slighted because I was posting this story as I was writing it and you're going to be getting an ending that's delayed at best, let me know and I'll think about continuing. I for one think you deserve something better. I'm not sure I'm capable of providing that, but even if I am, I don't think this is it. Not in this state, anyway.
A great writing teacher that I had explained his reasoning for why he doesn't like to see genre fiction. He said that, generally, genre fiction is too obsessed with the genre or the fiction or the uniqueness of the world it takes place in. I think there's a place for that. I think that all of Tolkien's work is sort of obsessed with itself, and rightly so. I think it's got permissions that most other stories don't, however, in that this explanation of this detailed and intricate world is the entire point to it all.
There I go, claiming to know the point of a work developed by another. I take that phrasing back. To me, that's the entire point of Middle Earth, to be another place. I respect that, and find value in that. I think, even if it wasn't the point Tolkien was trying to make, he knew what he wanted to do, and make a complex and in-depth world was at least a part of that.
I do have a complex and thought out world and story, but I don't want that to be the point of it all, and I think, if I continue in the direction that I'm going, that will end up strangling what I do want the point of it all to be. I think, currently, my genre story is obsessed with being a genre story. I don't want that. I think that's what I wanted at one point, to take people from this world and to put them into another so they can escape this one, but I don't think that's shown in my better works and I think that notion as a desire has faded.
I don't know what I want, though, if not to offer this escape. For my own understanding I've boiled down art into one thing: Communication. I think that's the reason you're going to paint or sing or compose or sculpt or write. I think communicating is the point of all those things. That's what I see people using them for, anyway.
I don't know what I want to communicate though. And maybe I'm wrong, maybe art isn't simply about communicating. Maybe some stories aren't meant to convey anything, just get you feeling good or bad or however they get you feeling. Still, that's an emotion being communicated.
And writing is even less about money than it wasn't before now that I have a job where I'm making money. I didn't go into Creative Writing expecting to make money with it. While I daydream about making a bunch of money using my words, I daydream almost as much if not more now-a-days about making that same money with the deck of cards I've invented or with some game I come up with. I think throwing up AIndividual weekly, online, and for free was sort of me telling myself that I'm fully aware that the chances of me making cash with this are slim, and that it definitely should not be a goal to make money with my stories. It'd be a nice consequence, but that's all it'd be.
So I don't know why I should write. I don't want to do it to make money. I don't know what I want to communicate. I hated writing in first person, so that's not going to happen again any time soon. I'm a tad drained from all the work and it's not something that has been filling me, as much as it has been requiring more from me.
Me and writing aren't in a good place right now. We need some marriage counseling. Maybe long fiction just sucks and I should write something sort after taking a break.
My apologies if that devolved into complaining, but I hope it helped you understand where I'm coming from. Don't get me wrong, I'm not disappointed with what I did with those five weeks, just disappointed in how it's turned out. The only thing I really liked out of all of this was the beginning to chapter five. That scene was nice and was extremely comforting/relaxing/enjoyable to write.
Anyway, here's a neat short film that presents a pretty fun thing to think about and has an attractive actress that is nice to look at and listen to.
If you haven't heard of Project Ara, and you're interested in smartphones, I'd check it out. It's a neat idea.