Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Book 2, "Balance"

Life feels overwhelming. Not just now, it usually does. I don't think that's a bad thing. A life lived is one of  choices and decisions. I'm not sure if life is overwhelming because we make it so, or because it actually is.  I feel inclined to say that we are the authors of the chaos, and I'm unsure there is any other way to be. Life at its barest is simple. Life in the mind of a human is intimately complex.

I need to get a job. I want to get a job that I will enjoy. I would like to write for a living. I don't see that happening anytime soon. I need to write in order to get to that point. I want a girlfriend (but I don't [but I do]). I'm not sure I should have one, at least not right now. I need to read. I would like to hang out with my friends (I'm not sure how much time we have left as a group, life happening and all). I'd like to make new friends. I have shows I need to watch in order to stay current with conversation. I need to work at the temporary job I  do have. Video games! I don't play video games anymore. I need my dentist office to schedule an appointment for the third step of a lengthy operation. I need to get the oil changed. I need to do other things to the truck, but I don't know what.

I do believe I could go on, but you get the point. When I sit down and think (which I am one to do) this stuff can get to me. I know that this stuff isn't worthy of causing me distress when you compare it to other people, but it bothers me. I'm sure you have things that loom over you constantly, that other people don't even think about, like grocery shopping. I imagine we all have different stress thresholds that fluctuate as we grow and experience new things. To me, that's important to keep in mind when dealing with others. People fret over different things, and can only handle so much.

So, I'm thinking that even when we don't actually have anything to worry about (like being stalked by a murderer or stranded in the desert), we're bound to. It's not that life is or isn't overwhelming, it's that we are overwhelmed by ourselves. Maybe not everyone. Maybe my thought process is too narrow minded. Maybe it's too American. Maybe it's too steeped in the experience of a single individual. Maybe I'm over thinking even this.

Anyway, these were the thoughts I could finally get down regarding this journal entry.

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And with these thoughts I will balance my the world

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